Some weeks are just down right tough. You literally and figuratively drag yourself through thinking, “Oh dear Lord…please don’t make this my new normal, but if it is let me adjust quickly.” This week was one of those weeks for me. Every hour seemed to bring a new fire to put out, decision to make, or decision to accept. To start things off, physically I felt exhausted and crummy. I finally went to the doctor on Monday after feeling this way for about 10 days. Sure enough I had bronchitis and sinusitis. Not a big deal, but it certainly doesn’t help things.
On Thursday night, we said our goodbyes to our Seany Boy as he left for a new chapter of life in Portland. After having him around every day for 3 years, it was a very hard goodbye. He means so much to our family, and is such an import part of it. He is so much more than a cousin or a manny or a godfather or a friend. We love him, and we will miss him like mad.
We are also in the final full week before school starts up again. That means you have to start thinking and preparing for all things school. You have to fill out all of the paperwork that comes home from the kids’ new teachers to “get to know each other.” When you have 6 going into elementary or preschool this becomes a much bigger task than normal. You have to finalize transportation plans, communication plans, lunch plans, school supplies, clothing, shoes, backpacks, physical forms…wait did I get all of the physicals done? Then when you have a child that just isn’t the round peg that fits perfectly into the traditional way of doing education, you stop and think, “Am I doing enough? Is this right? Will this year be better? In 20 years, will I regret this decision? How can the perfect elementary school for all of my other kids not be right for one? Is that even possible? How many more tough school years do we have ahead of us? What else am I suppose to be doing? How long before this effects his self confidence?” When you can’t shake these questions while driving down I80 with bronchitis and sinusitis you do what every normal mother in this world does. You stay up until 2:00 am googling school options. You send way too honest of emails to people you’ve never met just to test their knee jerk response. When you talk to this person the next day while driving up I35 and she says, “Griffin sounds wonderfully unique! When can I meet him?” You smile to yourself, let out a huge sigh of relief and anxiety, and say, “How late can you stay tonight?” Then when you meet her and your son starts drawing pictures of good guys shooting zombies, she doesn’t even flinch. She asks him about his portals, his zombies, and if he thinks he needs a red marker for blood. When your son then turns to you with a huge smile and sparkle in his eye that you haven’t seen for too long, you tear up and hope this isn’t too good to be true. You come home talk with your hub about the experience, and you both have the same main thought. If we at least don’t try this, will we regret it later? That’s followed by other minor thoughts. How will the other kids accept that one of the 8 is doing something completely different? How do we tell the elementary school that we love that we want to try something different? What if this is too good to be true? What if this fails? Why do all these decisions seem so crucial? Do I have to adult today?
Why is being a mom so darn hard? Oh that’s right! Because the gifts are too beautiful to mention and the blessings too many to count. I get to experience it all times eight. At the end of the day, we’ll sit around our dinner table and talk about the best part of our day. Somehow the best part of my day always seems to be “right now” when we are gathered around the table as a family listening to the best parts of our day. In those moments, there’s no decision to make, paper to fill out, phone call to take, email to look at, or consequences to consider. Time nearly stops for a moment as we bask in each other’s daily glory. It’s simply the best part of the day! As long as my table is filled with the people I love most on this earth, I guess there really isn’t any decision that crucial or week that tough. I am grateful that my toughest decision this week was which elementary school will be best for Griffin. I am grateful that the thing that broke my heart this week was seeing Sean off for his great adventure to Oregon. I am grateful that the only thing wrong with my body is a passing infection.