After a week and a half of being together 24/7 as a family, the 2013 holiday season is coming to an end. Tomorrow MJ and I return to work and the kiddos head back to school. We had a fantastic holiday! The kids were all so excited, and there is nothing like seeing the holidays through your children’s eyes! We finished the holiday season by celebrating Elle’s 5th birthday today with friends and family.
Elle was SOOOOOOO excited for her birthday. She waited almost an entire year to finally get to celebrate her birthday (remember her and Mae’s gotcha day was on January 28, 2013). When she saw all her Hello Kitty decorations and cake, she was so thankful and excited! It was refreshing to see how appreciative and happy she was to be able to have her own birthday. She kept saying, “Oh mommy, thank you! It’s perfect!” I wish I could have bottled her happiness!
As I went upstairs to get ready for her party, it hit me…..guilt. Why when I was feeling so happy, fulfilled, and proud was I feeling guilty? I couldn’t help but feel that the joy I was feeling wasn’t truly mine to have. I somehow felt like I had stolen these precious moments away from Elle and Mae’s birth mothers half way around the world. I know this ridiculous. I really, really, really do. I guess I just wish I could some how share my joy with them. I wish I could let them know how their babies are doing. Tell them how much we love them, how amazed we are by them, and explain the joy they have added to all of our lives. I think that if they knew these things they would sleep better at night. That somehow the hole in their heart that is surely there would shrink a little if they knew. i will be eternally grateful to these women whom I will most likely never meet or know. I owe them so much. How do you repay someone for the unlimited joy and wonder that children bring to your life? I thank God everyday for my 5 soon to be 6 miracles that we have. MJ and I speak in awe constantly of where life has taken us. We never would have predicted all of the wonderful twists and turns our life has taken, and we are thankful for each unexpected twist!
In 2014, we can’t wait to round out our family by going to get our little Bo. It will be fun to see what else amazing happens to our family this year. I am focusing on being a better me this year….a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, a better employee, a better volunteer, and a better human. Happy New Year everyone! May it be the best yet!