Well….I am in the home stretch of my adoption leave. I have next week home with the kids, and then it’s back to the real world. I have loved my time off with the kids. It has been an unbelievable gift to be with the Elle, Mae and the boys for the last 5 weeks. It was been wonderful to see the family start to grow together. When I think of how far we have come in the last 5 weeks, I just smile! When I think of all the challenges we still need to overcome, I start to panic! How will I be able to keep this family going down the right path, and work full time? I certainly don’t have an answer to that yet, but am sure we will settle into a new groove….hopefully sooner rather than later. I don’t know how long it will take, but will handle each set back and issue as it comes up.
Nothing is as traumatic or serious as it first appears. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I just remember how overwhelmed I was when Carsten was born. I thought I would never work again. I didn’t think we would be able to go on vacations ever again. I wasn’t sure if we would ever truly be happy again. I had no idea how to begin living life. Slowly but surely I realized that life just had a new added depth to it. A new depth that I desperately needed, and I had no clue how shallow of life I had been living. My happiness only got happier….if that makes any sense. I was right about one thing. Life would never be the same again, but I was wrong on what end of the spectrum we would land on.
I think this new challenge is the same. I just need to get comfortable swimming in the deep end again. I need to be comfortable in the unknown. How boring would life be if we didn’t challenge ourselves to tackle new adventures? I think that human potential is limitless, and everyday we constantly undersell ourselves on what we can truly do….on who we can become….the change that we can help create. NOTHING is impossible. We are limitless! Yet every second we are constantly limiting ourselves with our own self-doubt. No one else has the power to limit us, but we let their negative feelings and words affect us in such a profound way. Why? One of my new goals is to take this power way from other people. Trust me…I can be my own worst enemy…I don’t need anyone else in that role. On the flip side of that, I will try not to inflict negativity and limits on other people. Who wants to hang out with a Debbie Downer?
Am I swimming in the deep end with no sign of shore in sight? Yes I am! Are the sharks circling? I don’t think so. There isn’t any blood in the water yet! There may be for awhile as I get use to being a working mom of 5, but that’s ok. I think I read somewhere once that you just punch sharks in the nose, and I have a mean left hook! 😉
The two phrases I say to myself a lot lately are:
“It’s no problem!’ and “This too shall pass, and then I will miss it!” These seem to help me stay calm while I am in the middle of what seems like a major crisis. So in the coming weeks, when I am freaking out, will someone please remind me of this?